I mentioned that my world has ended in previous posts. I have realized that my world has not ended but just begone. It was Zoë's pain and suffering that had ended. Now as she is everywhere and her pain nowhere, I will say, "Good Morning", I will stretch, and shower, and prepare for the hardest day of my life.
Most people see a funeral as a time to say goodbye. In the past that is how I used it as well...but I have realized that this thinking is so wrong. It is a time to say hello. Hello to those who now surround you in another way. A day to say, please follow me through my life. A day to say thank you for having been in my life.
Thank you for being my baby.
When I would be sitting with Zoë I would have may quiet moments, where we would just in silence and love each other. Sometimes I would think to myself that I should speak to her, to have her hear my voice, and to allow her to "learn" more. But I would just sit quietly and take in the moment. I believe that I used my time most wisely then.
Today I will sit in silence and talk to my daughter, and I will continue to talk to her.
When I was pregnant I would joke that Zoë's middle name should be 'Forever' then she could be "Zoë Forever Young". We laughed about this, and said only crazy people would name their kids that way. Well my baby is 'Forever Young', and although we have this date of April 1st that will loom over us every year, I will just have to think how Zoë is "Forever Young."