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A Morbid Fascination or Just a Bit of Therapy

7/16/2012

6 Comments

 
I have always watched television crime dramas.  I love Law & Order, especially the Special Victims Unit, and Bones, and I have even been known to watch the more recent Body of Proof even though the acting and writing is sub-par.  I have watched all of these shows because I am fascinated by human nature, problem solving, science, technology, and psychology.  I like to try to solve the crime before the end of the show.

Lately I began watching Disappeared.  This television show does not have writers, and directors.  It is true stories about people who have disappeared.  Often times the show ends with family members in anguish pleading for the return of their loved ones.  They are desperate to have the mystery of their loved one solved, and unlike the fictional dramas I like everyone else cannot solve the problem before the end of the hour.

I told Zeppo about some of the stories, one of which in particular where a wife went missing to be found eight days later in a car accident only a few miles from her home.  Zeppo and I decided to activate a feature on our cell phones that will allow us to determine where we are.  This decision is not because I am paranoid, or a stalker-wife.  It is merely because Zeppo likes to go fishing, sometimes late into the evening and night.  It is more a safety feature than a, “I think my husband is going to disappear,” feature.  It is also something that we can turn on and off as needed.

So I was asked by Zeppo why I have this newly found, “morbid fascination.”  First, I don’t think that I would necessarily call it, “newly found”, as previously stated I have watched crime television for years.  What is different now is that these stories in a maybe morbid way are also a kind of therapy for me.

I look at the mother crying for her missing teenage daughter, and I cannot begin to understand her pain.  Although I have gone through what some have described as the worst thing that can happen to a person, the death of a child, I know where Zoë is.  I know that Zoë is not in pain.  I know that Zoë was loved for every second of her life, and never experienced the cruelty the world has to offer.

I watch these parents begging for answers, and I cannot help but think just how lucky I am.

I think that it is hard for people to realize just how good they have it.  They complain about all kinds of pathetic bullshit.  Stuff that is so insignificant and paltry that it is hard for me to connect to “normal” conversation.  I can trump nearly any situation with a simple, “Oh yeah, so you’re having a bad day?  Well my daughter died.”  Which by the way is often times running in the background of my consciousness, but I dare not actually say. 

I am in a position where it is often hard to know just how good I have it.  Until I see these shows.  I cannot trump someone whose child is missing.  Presumed dead.  That is a statement that is terrifying.  After seeing these shows I can hug my husband and know that we are indeed so very lucky.
6 Comments
Carrie Ford Bell
7/16/2012 12:42:39 am

I am addicted to these show as well. Often will tell me kids not to watch a certain show and they'll call me to the mat saying "Mom yours are worse" and though not wrong still them not to watch it! I wish I had it in me to go back to school to do this something in this field. To put an end to someone's not knowing or even better to save someone. I am the Mom of 5 and have 2 dogs so love and nurturing ooze from every fiber of my being so I do feel weird but I watch pretty much every of those shows and more! Even just started Dexter..

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Catherine in New York
7/16/2012 11:25:34 pm

I enjoy the fictional shows because they always have an ending. I find myself avoiding shows like Disappeared because they are just too depressing for me. With everything you have gone through Laura, Disappeared seems to give you a different perspective on your loss which I believe is a benefit to you. We all need ways to deal with the pain of losing family and friends who are close to us, it's normal and natural although many will not understand our individual coping mechanisms and may think we are just crazy. I think it is a wonderful idea to use the tracking feature on your phones. There is a peace of mind that cannot be explained when you know where your loved ones are.

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Jessa
7/16/2012 11:47:01 pm

This is a beautiful post, Laura. It is amazing to see how you can find the strength to look on the positive, despite your pain. It also made me think... I often find myself drawn to crime drama, and also to hospital shows that present medical mysteries. I was obsessed with House for its entire eight seasons! It is therapeutic for me, but for a different reason: I like watching someone else solve the puzzle, and knowing that it will be neatly wrapped up at the end of the show and that I don't have to worry about it, and someone else is going to do the solving for me. My husband asks me, why do I like watching shows that remind me of being at work (as a clinician with a lot of child welfare cases). Well, I often go home with a lot of loose ends dangling in the breeze from situations that I can not "solve" or even placate. So, it is nice to watch someone else navigate these situations and make everything make sense within 60 minutes. Additionally, I can watch the same episodes over and over, and find it comforting to know that alls well that ends well. I've done some research on how trauma affects the brain... Even seeing "fake" morbidity on TV triggers some very primal responses in our reptilian brains which is possibly another explaination for what makes some of this media so addictive, or at least fascinating. But it is thought provoking. . .

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growth hormone therapy link
9/13/2012 03:57:45 pm

I think the things you covered through the post are quiet impressive, good job and great efforts. I found it very interesting and enjoyed reading all of it...keep it up, lovely job.

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LM
9/24/2012 04:13:20 pm

Laura, I don't know you and just visited your blog for the first time, but I just wanted to say that this entry really touched me in a deep personal way.

I currently have a friend staying with me while she deals with the aftermath of her father's sudden death in a car accident.It has brought up a lot of very difficult and surprising emotions for me. My mother committed suicide four years ago, so I thought I would deeply sympathize with my friend's equally sudden loss. Instead I find myself wanting to basically tell her to get some perspective and realize how lucky she is. (Her father was happy before he died, she had him for 5 years longer than I had my mom, she saw him less than a week before and I hadn't seen mine in several years, etc. etc.)

I have been really beating myself up about this internal emotional reaction. I've been feeling really guilty about not being able to empathize with my friend more. Your words here have really helped reassure me that this is an okay thing for me to feel (as long as I don't actually treat my friend badly because of it)--that it's a normal part of the grieving process. Thank you so much for your words.

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Maddie Wads mom
5/21/2013 01:05:00 pm

Maddie and I used to watch The Haunting of ... during plasma treatments at the pediatric oncology unit in Speccially for Children in Austin, texas. She was only 5 when we started doing that in other places that werent home. I think she knew then her cancer was terminal before anyone else. The nurses all thought it was odd that i would let her watch about spirits but I know it gave her focus and she didnt seem soo scared. When the time came we even had a buddhist ceremony for her in case she wanted reincarnated (which she stated after being told treatment isnt working.....) What a lesson in life our young terminally sick children teach us!!! Five years in July and still adjusting, as always. It does get easier!

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    Laura is Zoë's mommy.  Forever and Always.

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The Zoë Faye Foundation's mission is to provide support and assistance to children diagnosed with Malignant Rhabdoid Tumors, Atypical Teratoid Rhabdoid Tumors, and Non-CNS Extrarenal Rhabdoid Tumors, and their families; provide pathways to information, financial relief, and raise awareness for rare pediatric cancers, and funds for researchers who focus on Rhabdoid Tumors and related cancers with the hopes of achieving a cure.