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Tips

4/28/2012

7 Comments

 
After reflecting on our “vacation” and thinking about my favorite moments I have come to the conclusion that most of my favorite times happened when I was able to show my appreciation for people.

An eight or nine year old little boy was busing tables at a small hometown restaurant.  He worked with gusto, and did not slow down or take a break once while we slowly woke up, and ate breakfast.  Upon leaving I went over to him, and said, “Hey buddy.  You are the hardest working person in here; I just want you to know that you are doing a great job.”  I handed him two dollars.  He beamed.  I beamed.  Best two dollars spent.

Five dollars to the wandering vagabond in Key West after he tried to take a photo of Zeppo and me with my phone.  I don’t think he actually got a photo…but he tried his damndest.  He also did not ask for the money.  But when I handed it to him he said, “Wow!  Oh wow!  Thank you!  Oh, Okay where do you want to go?  What do you want to do in Key West?  There is so much great stuff here.”  We got local tips for our tips.  Not many that we used because we had some set plans by then…but all the same…that “Wow!”  I know that five dollar bill made his day.  It made my day.

Ten dollars to the airboat ride Captain.  To thank him for one of the most beautiful days I had.  Wind in my hair, sun in my face, memories of Zoë out on the grass with me turning her face into the wind.  The rush of adrenaline as we turned sharp corners at FAST speeds, and flew around the everglades.

Ten dollars to the Captain of the river and glades tour in Louisiana.  For trying so hard to find alligators to show us, and for ending every this he said in a slow southern, “Yup”, and a funny head nod.  For the interesting facts about the swamp, and for peaceful moments with the low sun streaming through the trees.  He was shocked by the tip, and thanked us.  We thanked him.

Twenty dollars to the two guys running the parasail boat.  For taking pictures of us, and giving us a bit of a longer ride nearly at sunset.  Allowing us to see out to the horizon and beyond.  To see a turtle, and to laugh, and to smile, and to float in time and space.

Hundreds of dollars to the tattoo artists.  As Zeppo and I received more than we could ever tip for…what is two hundred dollars?  Nothing compared to a lifetime of artwork, of hours telling our story, of the care and consideration taken.  Our scars and pain are now not only on our insides…we now have markings to show the world.  I cannot wait for someone to ask me, “What does it mean?”  I cannot wait to smile, and tell them that it is for my baby, my beautiful Zoë.

Tips to the pedicab guy, to the waiters, to the waitresses, to the guy who dropped us off at the airport from the car rental place.

I am a federal employee and when I travel I always tip.  I tip generously, and sometimes beyond the allotted amount that we are allowed to tip so I use my own money.  I tip with federal dollars.  Maybe some people would frown on this, and see it as a misuse of federal tax dollars.  But to me I look at it this way.  I am a custodian of tax dollars, and who better to give federal money to than those who need it most?  The people who are working low paying jobs, and who work for tips. 

I worked for tips once.  It is not easy, and I learned very fast how to use a smile, a wink, a nod, and to suck it up and work with difficult people.  How to not ever expect that you will make a good tip.  But boy…when I got a big tip, it would so make my day.  It would let me know that all my hard work was not unnoticed.  That there were people out there who understood how hard my job is, or who just liked me.

One of my favorite people to serve was someone who was probably one of the worst tippers.  There was a woman who had severe obsessive compulsive disorder.  It would take her a minimum of 10-20 minutes to even sit down, as she had to arrange, and rearrange the table settings, and adjust her coat, and the booth before she could sit.  Then when getting the menu she would read it over, and over, and over, and over…only to order the same thing every week.

After her meal she would take another 30 minutes or so to let me take her plate, then she would get the bill…  Needless to say a wait staff makes their money by flipping over tables.  The more people you seat, and serve in a night the more money.  This woman would sit in my booth for HOURS….and HOURS…so it was as if I had one less table.  The moment she would be seated I would know that I would make half the amount of money I normally would.

Then she would pay…and my tip would always be $.30-1.00.  Ghastly.  I mentioned to my mom, not out of anger about this woman, but how surprised I was at how little she would leave.  I told her that I understood she had mental issues, but it would be nice if she just gave a bit more for all of my time, and taking up my table.

My mother mentioned that she was probably on disability, and this meal was probably an extravagance for her.  That maybe she did not have the money to spend on a tip.

So how was it that she was always sat with me?  Well she started asking for me.  I was nice to her.  And after that conversation with my mom, when this woman would walk in I would watch as the wait staff roll their eyes, and grumble about serving her.  So I would go over to her, and sit her in my section and smile at her.  And give her the best service I could.  I knew I would not make all that much money that night, and I knew she would give me just a little bit of a tip.  But in all reality I would have served her with a smile for free.

There are “rules” on tipping, 10%, 15%, 20%...  I don’t follow the rules.  I tip those who are traditionally, “not supposed to get tips,” and I tip well over and above for those who do.  I have been known to add to a poor tip, and usually with extra to make up for the fact that the person I am with was such a bad tipper.  If I have the choice between three dollars and a five, I will give a five. 

What does all this tipping bring me besides a smaller bank account?  It brings me joy.  It makes me happy to know that that extra dollar or two will help pay rent, keep a phone on, or prevent the electricity from being shut off.

I know what it is like to life dollar to dollar.  When I first graduated from college I lived in poverty.  I lived right at the US Poverty level.  I know what it is like to spend $20 on a week’s worth of food, knowing it is all I will have.  I know what it is like to juggle bills, and to see how long you can go before they do cut off your phone.  I know what it is like to eat a diet that is so poor you feel sick all the time. 

I am blessed with a job where now I can grocery shop, and I don’t have to worry about my phone, or the electric bill.  I cherish this.  I work hard for this.  I know how hard others work for this.  So when I see them working hard, I thank them the only way I can.

What is a dollar anyway?  For me, that smile from that little boy was still the best two dollars ever spent.
7 Comments

Giving into Depression...just a little

4/9/2012

3 Comments

 
While yesterday was a holiday for most I took the time to be depressed. I stayed in bed most of the day. Ate junk food, and cried. It felt good to give into the welling of sorrow.

This dawn broke with a beautiful light, and I was up with it. Bills are paid, and those who bought T-shirts, and other assorted Team Zoë things I wrote out your addresses. There are still a few of you that never told us size or color for T-shirts. So check your inbox. Zeppo will be shipping everything out today or tomorrow.

I am filled with great joy every time I see balloon pictures and video. I cannot express how happy I am to see the skies filled with bright colors. I will be working on getting a page up on Zoë's website for pictures and video. If you are unable to upload to her site I will pull from Facebook if you tag either Zeppo or me.

In the meantime Zeppo and I are planning a trip. To where? We still don't know. But we need to have something between this weekend, and us reentering the world as "functioning, working adults". So in the next few days we will disappear off the map, off the internet, and hopefully lose ourselves in a quiet place near an ocean to watch beautiful sunrises.

Do not fret. As I will be using this time to write, to ponder, and to process. I will be brainstorming, and forming what will be the future for Zoë and her Foundation. Zeppo will be doing much of the same.

Zeppo and I need to reconnect, and take deep breaths together. And we will do just that.

So... Off I go to the travel agent, and to begin packing, and holding our mail....

Love and Hugs
3 Comments

Forever

4/7/2012

0 Comments

 
A new day has dawned, and it brings a swelling in my heart that I cannot begin to describe. The love I feel right now can not be matched. I am over flowing.

I mentioned that my world has ended in previous posts. I have realized that my world has not ended but just begone. It was Zoë's pain and suffering that had ended. Now as she is everywhere and her pain nowhere, I will say, "Good Morning", I will stretch, and shower, and prepare for the hardest day of my life.

Most people see a funeral as a time to say goodbye. In the past that is how I used it as well...but I have realized that this thinking is so wrong. It is a time to say hello. Hello to those who now surround you in another way. A day to say, please follow me through my life. A day to say thank you for having been in my life.

Thank you for being my baby.

When I would be sitting with Zoë I would have may quiet moments, where we would just in silence and love each other. Sometimes I would think to myself that I should speak to her, to have her hear my voice, and to allow her to "learn" more. But I would just sit quietly and take in the moment. I believe that I used my time most wisely then.

Today I will sit in silence and talk to my daughter, and I will continue to talk to her.

When I was pregnant I would joke that Zoë's middle name should be 'Forever' then she could be "Zoë Forever Young". We laughed about this, and said only crazy people would name their kids that way. Well my baby is 'Forever Young', and although we have this date of April 1st that will loom over us every year, I will just have to think how Zoë is "Forever Young."
Picture
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Vows

4/5/2012

3 Comments

 
Before today even dawns I know it begins three of the longest, hardest, days of my life.

I woke feeling full of love, said my good mornings, and stretched. As I contemplated these three days I made three vows:

One: To never let Zoë's light fade. To tell her story. To share just how amazing she was, and still is. To let the world know how courageous, and loving, and happy she was amidst the worst. How she was and is loved so deeply.

Two: To give back, and help other families suffering with this horrible malignant rhabdoid tumor. We will be turning her cancer fund into a foundation. We will continue to raise money in her honor, and give it to those few families who will get the worst news of their lives. If we can help them by putting oil in their tank, gas in their car, pay a weeks rent at the Ronald McDonald House, make a call for them to connect them to the right people for help. What ever it is we can do to help.

Since MRTs are so rare we will be able to focus our efforts and give a lot to a few, rather than a little to many. We hope to really make a difference, because like I have said before, we know the numbers. We know it is not good. We lived like those numbers did not exist, and we hope that we can make others live that way as well while they wait for their miracle, and a cure.

Three: I will fight my damnedest against cancer. I will encourage people to give blood, be organ donors, and inform people just how important these simple tasks are. I will educate people about childhood cancer, and how devastating it is, and just how important research is, as well as funding for that research.

I will advocate for a whole host of things that my eyes are wide open to, and I will do my best to open the eyes of those around me.

I will continue on...I will continue to write, and like so many have been asking, in time, as it evolves I will write a book that can hopefully be a source of comfort, a bit of light, and help to those who are directly, and indirectly suffering from the effects of childhood cancer.

My dearest love. My little girl. I promise you this and more.

Forever and ever and ever.

Mommy LOVES you, yes she does, yes she does, Mommy loves YOU.
3 Comments

Wake and Funeral Service

4/2/2012

6 Comments

 
Boucher Funeral Home
272 Sayles Ave.
Pascoag, RI 02859
http://www.boucherfh.com/

There will be a wake on Thursday and Friday (this week)  from 5-8 PM.

The funeral Service will begin at 10am on Saturday, followed by a balloon launch.

What is a balloon launch?  As you may well be aware already, Zoë loved balloons.  And she loved colorful balloons at that.   Zoë launched a handful of her balloons from left field in Fenway Park the other day with hand written note carefully attached to the strings.  It was done in hopes that one day someone will find the balloons and her note and know that Zoë graced this earth even as briefly as she did and touched many lives.  The balloon launch is to be a global celebration this Saturday Morning or any day or time you can release balloons in Zoë's honor.  Please take pictures and email them to me.  I will see that they are recorded on our website. 

We are free spirited people and don't live by rigid rules, so be creative, select colorful balloons, and please personalize your message anyway you like.  A little girl suffered greatly for months and has passed from this world into the next.  Her spirit was released from her prison and flies high with the birds and the balloons. 

One more thing, if you find that you need to come to the funeral, please don't feel obligated to dress as if you are going to a funeral.  This is about a life that burned bright, and warmed so many of us, so dress according to your comfort and needs.

If you have any questons, please feel free to contact me through email or phone.  I will return your calls as quickly as possible. 

Love,

Zeppo
--
(774) 482-0592
6 Comments

Love and Light

4/1/2012

55 Comments

 
I could not have said it better than Zeppo:


Dear Friends and Family,

I regret to announce that today, approximately 45 minutes ago (12:26), Zoë Faye Young passed. It brings me great comfort knowing that she was laying in our bed at our home and went peacefully. At the end, she opened her eyes a few times and could see her mommy and daddy, she could hear our voices telling her stories and feel our fingers running over the hairs on her head. Thank God she may finally rest in peace.
55 Comments

    Author

    Laura is Zoë's mommy.  Forever and Always.

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The Zoë Faye Foundation's mission is to provide support and assistance to children diagnosed with Malignant Rhabdoid Tumors, Atypical Teratoid Rhabdoid Tumors, and Non-CNS Extrarenal Rhabdoid Tumors, and their families; provide pathways to information, financial relief, and raise awareness for rare pediatric cancers, and funds for researchers who focus on Rhabdoid Tumors and related cancers with the hopes of achieving a cure.