Lately I began watching Disappeared. This television show does not have writers, and directors. It is true stories about people who have disappeared. Often times the show ends with family members in anguish pleading for the return of their loved ones. They are desperate to have the mystery of their loved one solved, and unlike the fictional dramas I like everyone else cannot solve the problem before the end of the hour.
I told Zeppo about some of the stories, one of which in particular where a wife went missing to be found eight days later in a car accident only a few miles from her home. Zeppo and I decided to activate a feature on our cell phones that will allow us to determine where we are. This decision is not because I am paranoid, or a stalker-wife. It is merely because Zeppo likes to go fishing, sometimes late into the evening and night. It is more a safety feature than a, “I think my husband is going to disappear,” feature. It is also something that we can turn on and off as needed.
So I was asked by Zeppo why I have this newly found, “morbid fascination.” First, I don’t think that I would necessarily call it, “newly found”, as previously stated I have watched crime television for years. What is different now is that these stories in a maybe morbid way are also a kind of therapy for me.
I look at the mother crying for her missing teenage daughter, and I cannot begin to understand her pain. Although I have gone through what some have described as the worst thing that can happen to a person, the death of a child, I know where Zoë is. I know that Zoë is not in pain. I know that Zoë was loved for every second of her life, and never experienced the cruelty the world has to offer.
I watch these parents begging for answers, and I cannot help but think just how lucky I am.
I think that it is hard for people to realize just how good they have it. They complain about all kinds of pathetic bullshit. Stuff that is so insignificant and paltry that it is hard for me to connect to “normal” conversation. I can trump nearly any situation with a simple, “Oh yeah, so you’re having a bad day? Well my daughter died.” Which by the way is often times running in the background of my consciousness, but I dare not actually say.
I am in a position where it is often hard to know just how good I have it. Until I see these shows. I cannot trump someone whose child is missing. Presumed dead. That is a statement that is terrifying. After seeing these shows I can hug my husband and know that we are indeed so very lucky.