I had family and friends visit, bringing care supplies, Zoë some comfort and gifts, and reports of so many out there thinking, and praying, and sending their love and positive energy threw the cosmos to our little one.
I have decided that I don't like the nick name "Angel" to describe Zoë. I would prefer her to remain full of vigor and life, and let other's be an angel for her. Zoë's mission right now is to keep her feet planted firmly on earth (or at least lay firmly on the ground, hehehe). I don't want Zoë to be an angel, I want her right here fighting like the devil.
I don't know how many, if any of you know this but I was pregnant once before conceiving Zoë, and had the misfortune of suffering a miscarriage. This experience has lead me to many revelations. I will not get into the deep details of all of them, but I will say that I do feel like Zoë has an older brother or sister looking out for her. I will never know if it was a little boy or girl, or what they would have looked like, or what their personality would have been. I have friends who have babies the age that my little one would be. I look at them in wonder, and wonder what could have been. I also look at Zoë and know that she would never have been if I did not loose my first baby. Since Zoë has been hospitalized I think even more about this little being, and I implore him or her to protect and look out for my little Zoë. I also send my love and my heart out to him or her, because even if we did not get the chance to meet, it does not mean that I did not love him or her with all my heart.
Today is a holiday so the hospital is quite.
I signed the paperwork for Zoë's treatment plan this morning. Since she is doing so well they will do her next round of Chemo either today or tomorrow. The orders are set, and they are just waiting on one final conference with all the doctors. Once they are satisfied with all of her statistics they will administer the chemo.
I am bracing myself. I am taking today to relax, store up energy, and meditate. As I crochet by her side I envision a swirling vortex of positive energy and love, and light hovering over Zoë. Like a twister touching down on her abdomen, and tunneling into the tumor. As I meditate, and place my hands over her I picture her cancer cells exploding in a white hot light like fireworks, and love and energy coursing through her veins.
I am a big believer that names give you a strength and a power. For years I have looked up names and I love to learn their origins. If I hear a new name I have to look it up, I also remember most name meanings, and am fascinated to see how people take on the character of their names.
So when it came to naming our baby I felt this was a very important task. I was on name websites, blogs, had books, created list after list after list, crossed off names, tried different variations of the same name, searched by meaning, searched by letter...ok you get it. I was obsessed. I also once we picked "the name" was very hesitant to use it, or write it prior to our little one being born. I wanted to look at her, and see if she fit the name we choose. The moment I held Zoë for the first time I knew she was a Zoë Faye.
Why am I writing about her name? What makes her name so special is the meaning. Zoë means "life" it is a direct transliteration of the ancient Greek word 'zoe'. Her middle name Faye has two meanings the English "fairy" or from of the old French Foy, meaning "faith" (from the Latin 'fides'). I don't believe Zeppo and I could have named her more appropriately. We have given her a strong name, a whimsical name, one with deep ancient meanings, and a name to give her strength.
So as my little one embarks on her next round of chemo I will whisper to her, "Zoë, Zoë, Zoë, Mommy loves you.", and she will live, live, live strong, stay safe, and get healthy.
Today on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day I have a dream....and you all know what it is.
Love and Hugs!