Zoë is one hungry infant. She realized last night that she had not eaten in days. This caused her to have a two hour crying/screaming fit. Zoë, I believe woke up from surgery a little older and wiser. It appears that she has learned that screaming will get her more attention than just whimpering and crying. She is right of course. But I figured we would have a wee bit longer before she used this plan of attack to get what she wants.
Although she is screaming she is not getting what she wants. Which is SO hard on this mommy. Zoë has resorted to sucking a bit of water off a sponge, sucking on my thumb or hand, sucking on air itself. All of which as you can imagine does not fill her stomach.
Late in the day yesterday her nurse said, “So how can we make her comfortable?” We brainstormed for a bit, then I just said, “Well we can feed her.” When we as adults are hungry no amount of pain meds, or laying one way or another will help the fact that we are hungry. This is the same for Zoë only she cannot understand this hunger pain.
Overnight she did finally settle down. It took much longer than I had hoped because we have yet another roommate. They moved in around 10:00 PM, and although they were on the quite side, it did not matter how quiet they were Zoë flinched and woke to the slightest of noises. It was not until they decided to go to bed themselves around 12:00 or so that Zoë drifted off into her deepest sleep of the night.
About 1:00 I was awake and just anxious because I felt like she was going to pop awake at any moment. I was told by a nurse that I was, “acting like an ICU mom.” I responded in an, “OH NO!” Oh gosh how I do not want to be a hospital parent, one who is desensitized, and “OK” with seeing their child all hooked up to tubes, but I fear that in a way I am becoming that way.
My mother wrote an email to friends and family stating how she cannot help but tear up every time she looks at Zoë. I am like that, but it is only deep down on the inside. I cannot tear up with her all the time. Instead it is my job to be happy for her, now even more than ever. I cannot have her see me sad, or scared, or upset. Because she is
all of those things and more. She needs to see joy, and happiness on the faces of those around her, so she knows
she is doing well, and will feel better soon.
So, I smile at her. All the time. I sing to her, and I pet her head, and hold her hand, and let her know, “You are OK.” Because she will be that and more.
Once Zoë did get into a deep sleep, she really went into a deep sleep. Early this morning the Pain Management Team returned and they put in an order, and acted immediately, to stop her continuous morphine drip. Because Zoë is not in as much pain she is able to relax, and she relaxed enough to start having shallow breaths, and her eyes were becoming a bit pin pointed. She is now on a Nurse Assisted button to help administer the morphine as she needs is. This is a huge step forward in her recovery. [Side note: She was just looked at and her eyes are doing much better. Less pin pointy.]
Now we will start to figure out her eating. I am hoping that since breast milk is considered a clear, and gentle on her system that she is allowed to eat. I was told that if Zoë has some major melt downs she may get what she wants. So in a way I would not mind her melting down, but oh how much it will pain me if she does melt down, and still cannot get what she wants. I wonder how many parents want their kids to throw a temper tantrum.
Overnight we have been listening to her White Noise Album, set on Ocean. I am starting to feel like we are seaside, I just need a fluffy pink drink, and a floppy hat. I hope all the water noise is not making our roommate sea sick, hehehe.
Morning rounds are beginning. Zoë will be wakening. I ordered breakfast, and I hope that I am able to get some of it in me before she is fully up. Yesterday I learned that I can peal a hard boiled egg with one hand. I wonder if there is a Guinness Book World Record for how many eggs you can peal one handed in a minute. Perhaps I should start practicing.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
This post is brought to you today by the power of eggs. Mmmm… breakfast.
Love and Hugs!