So in the past few weeks I have encountered the same statement from several people that basically sums up as, “I saw you but I did not say hello because I don’t know what to say.” Or, “So and so does not know how to talk to you because of everything you have been through.”
Let me start by saying that losing a child is an isolating experience. It is difficult because first I have to figure out how to relate to people, and now people have to figure out how to relate to me I guess. That second part was something that I realized deep down…but hearing that people are actually having problems coming up to me saddens me.
So where do you start when you want to approach someone like me? You want to acknowledge my circumstance, probably say a few words of condolences. But then how would you talk to me about everyday life…which now seems trivial if you just gave condolences regarding my situation. Am I correct? You see, I am equally just as awkward regarding this situation.
So what do I do when I run into someone who lost a child? I treat that person like how I would want to be treated. I don’t avoid them, or distance myself from them. I let them take the lead regarding the loss of their child. If they bring it up then we talk about it, if they don’t bring it up then we don’t talk about it. We talk about everyday things, we talk about our lives, and we laugh a lot.
I am not shy. I am obviously not a private person. I am rarely taken aback by anything said, as I don’t underestimate what can be said at any given time. So trust me, you can’t say something that I have not heard before. You can’t hurt me by talking to me. But it does hurt knowing that there are those people out there who are not talking to me.
If anything this is a time in my life where being surrounded by people I love and know is so important to me. I miss you! I love you!
So I hope I hear from you soon!!
Let me start by saying that losing a child is an isolating experience. It is difficult because first I have to figure out how to relate to people, and now people have to figure out how to relate to me I guess. That second part was something that I realized deep down…but hearing that people are actually having problems coming up to me saddens me.
So where do you start when you want to approach someone like me? You want to acknowledge my circumstance, probably say a few words of condolences. But then how would you talk to me about everyday life…which now seems trivial if you just gave condolences regarding my situation. Am I correct? You see, I am equally just as awkward regarding this situation.
So what do I do when I run into someone who lost a child? I treat that person like how I would want to be treated. I don’t avoid them, or distance myself from them. I let them take the lead regarding the loss of their child. If they bring it up then we talk about it, if they don’t bring it up then we don’t talk about it. We talk about everyday things, we talk about our lives, and we laugh a lot.
I am not shy. I am obviously not a private person. I am rarely taken aback by anything said, as I don’t underestimate what can be said at any given time. So trust me, you can’t say something that I have not heard before. You can’t hurt me by talking to me. But it does hurt knowing that there are those people out there who are not talking to me.
If anything this is a time in my life where being surrounded by people I love and know is so important to me. I miss you! I love you!
So I hope I hear from you soon!!
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