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We were told yesterday that Zoë's cancer is back with a vengeance. It is taking over her body in such a way that there will be no cure, no remission, no hope for her beating this cancer.
Her body is failing her. She knew this days ago and somewhere deep down inside so did we.
Zoë stopped nursing, and she slowly became more and more ill since Friday, By Monday when we brought her into Clinic she was lethargic, and it brought back instant memories of December 26th all over again. She was admitted to Children's and we thought originally just for observation, some fluids, and then maybe to start her next round of chemo early.
Monday night Zoë had an ultrasound which showed that her tumor had a re-occurrence. An MRI on Tuesday showed that it was not only in her abdomen, but also on her diaphragm, and lungs. The tumors are inoperable.
Her body is having a hard time balancing the calcium that the tumors are making, and this is stressing her organs, and her heart. The tumors are also beginning to put pressure on her heart via her lungs.
She is slowly being taken over.
The cancer got smart.
Chemo drugs would only delay her passing by a few days, or weeks, maybe a few months, but there isn't a cure.
We are currently waiting for a second opinion, to make sure that we have not left any stone unturned in the care of our child.
I don't want her to be in pain. I fear her pain.
I want her home with us. Surrounded by love, between her Mommy and Daddy, in our bed.
I cannot thank you for all of the prayers, and pleas for a cure, for remission, for an answer to this tragic situation. But now please don't tell us that there is hope, Please support us, and with your prayers and white light, and love help us guide her into a better place. I want her energy to return to where it came safely, and I want her to come back to us in other ways. As she will always be apart of our lives.
She will join her lost sibling and their energy will for ever be together.
I am unable to eat. To sleep. To project out and know what is coming like I have been able to do all along. I know that Zoë's odds were always stacked against her. If only we could do a body transplant.
I have given her my blood, my bone, my nutrients, my anti-bodies, my heart, my life, my energy, my breath. I bore her with great pain, and with great pain I will give her a dignified path onward.
She is not going silently into the night. She is still opening her eyes, and looking around, and she refused sleep last night quite a bit. Like she has all a long.
My farther once said to her, "I don't blame you kid for not wanting to close your eyes, there is so much to see. We can close our eyes when we are dead." He said this before we knew of her condition. He was so right. I have wanted to show Zoë the world. Perhaps that is why the other morning when she could not sleep we went on our little tri-state road trip and watched the sun come up together. I have watched more sunrises since her birth, and they never cease to amaze me in their beauty. This world is a more beautiful place for having Zoë been apart of it.
With all my heart, my soul, my being. I LOVE YOU.
We were told yesterday that Zoë's cancer is back with a vengeance. It is taking over her body in such a way that there will be no cure, no remission, no hope for her beating this cancer.
Her body is failing her. She knew this days ago and somewhere deep down inside so did we.
Zoë stopped nursing, and she slowly became more and more ill since Friday, By Monday when we brought her into Clinic she was lethargic, and it brought back instant memories of December 26th all over again. She was admitted to Children's and we thought originally just for observation, some fluids, and then maybe to start her next round of chemo early.
Monday night Zoë had an ultrasound which showed that her tumor had a re-occurrence. An MRI on Tuesday showed that it was not only in her abdomen, but also on her diaphragm, and lungs. The tumors are inoperable.
Her body is having a hard time balancing the calcium that the tumors are making, and this is stressing her organs, and her heart. The tumors are also beginning to put pressure on her heart via her lungs.
She is slowly being taken over.
The cancer got smart.
Chemo drugs would only delay her passing by a few days, or weeks, maybe a few months, but there isn't a cure.
We are currently waiting for a second opinion, to make sure that we have not left any stone unturned in the care of our child.
I don't want her to be in pain. I fear her pain.
I want her home with us. Surrounded by love, between her Mommy and Daddy, in our bed.
I cannot thank you for all of the prayers, and pleas for a cure, for remission, for an answer to this tragic situation. But now please don't tell us that there is hope, Please support us, and with your prayers and white light, and love help us guide her into a better place. I want her energy to return to where it came safely, and I want her to come back to us in other ways. As she will always be apart of our lives.
She will join her lost sibling and their energy will for ever be together.
I am unable to eat. To sleep. To project out and know what is coming like I have been able to do all along. I know that Zoë's odds were always stacked against her. If only we could do a body transplant.
I have given her my blood, my bone, my nutrients, my anti-bodies, my heart, my life, my energy, my breath. I bore her with great pain, and with great pain I will give her a dignified path onward.
She is not going silently into the night. She is still opening her eyes, and looking around, and she refused sleep last night quite a bit. Like she has all a long.
My farther once said to her, "I don't blame you kid for not wanting to close your eyes, there is so much to see. We can close our eyes when we are dead." He said this before we knew of her condition. He was so right. I have wanted to show Zoë the world. Perhaps that is why the other morning when she could not sleep we went on our little tri-state road trip and watched the sun come up together. I have watched more sunrises since her birth, and they never cease to amaze me in their beauty. This world is a more beautiful place for having Zoë been apart of it.
With all my heart, my soul, my being. I LOVE YOU.
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