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Tips

4/28/2012

7 Comments

 
After reflecting on our “vacation” and thinking about my favorite moments I have come to the conclusion that most of my favorite times happened when I was able to show my appreciation for people.

An eight or nine year old little boy was busing tables at a small hometown restaurant.  He worked with gusto, and did not slow down or take a break once while we slowly woke up, and ate breakfast.  Upon leaving I went over to him, and said, “Hey buddy.  You are the hardest working person in here; I just want you to know that you are doing a great job.”  I handed him two dollars.  He beamed.  I beamed.  Best two dollars spent.

Five dollars to the wandering vagabond in Key West after he tried to take a photo of Zeppo and me with my phone.  I don’t think he actually got a photo…but he tried his damndest.  He also did not ask for the money.  But when I handed it to him he said, “Wow!  Oh wow!  Thank you!  Oh, Okay where do you want to go?  What do you want to do in Key West?  There is so much great stuff here.”  We got local tips for our tips.  Not many that we used because we had some set plans by then…but all the same…that “Wow!”  I know that five dollar bill made his day.  It made my day.

Ten dollars to the airboat ride Captain.  To thank him for one of the most beautiful days I had.  Wind in my hair, sun in my face, memories of Zoë out on the grass with me turning her face into the wind.  The rush of adrenaline as we turned sharp corners at FAST speeds, and flew around the everglades.

Ten dollars to the Captain of the river and glades tour in Louisiana.  For trying so hard to find alligators to show us, and for ending every this he said in a slow southern, “Yup”, and a funny head nod.  For the interesting facts about the swamp, and for peaceful moments with the low sun streaming through the trees.  He was shocked by the tip, and thanked us.  We thanked him.

Twenty dollars to the two guys running the parasail boat.  For taking pictures of us, and giving us a bit of a longer ride nearly at sunset.  Allowing us to see out to the horizon and beyond.  To see a turtle, and to laugh, and to smile, and to float in time and space.

Hundreds of dollars to the tattoo artists.  As Zeppo and I received more than we could ever tip for…what is two hundred dollars?  Nothing compared to a lifetime of artwork, of hours telling our story, of the care and consideration taken.  Our scars and pain are now not only on our insides…we now have markings to show the world.  I cannot wait for someone to ask me, “What does it mean?”  I cannot wait to smile, and tell them that it is for my baby, my beautiful Zoë.

Tips to the pedicab guy, to the waiters, to the waitresses, to the guy who dropped us off at the airport from the car rental place.

I am a federal employee and when I travel I always tip.  I tip generously, and sometimes beyond the allotted amount that we are allowed to tip so I use my own money.  I tip with federal dollars.  Maybe some people would frown on this, and see it as a misuse of federal tax dollars.  But to me I look at it this way.  I am a custodian of tax dollars, and who better to give federal money to than those who need it most?  The people who are working low paying jobs, and who work for tips. 

I worked for tips once.  It is not easy, and I learned very fast how to use a smile, a wink, a nod, and to suck it up and work with difficult people.  How to not ever expect that you will make a good tip.  But boy…when I got a big tip, it would so make my day.  It would let me know that all my hard work was not unnoticed.  That there were people out there who understood how hard my job is, or who just liked me.

One of my favorite people to serve was someone who was probably one of the worst tippers.  There was a woman who had severe obsessive compulsive disorder.  It would take her a minimum of 10-20 minutes to even sit down, as she had to arrange, and rearrange the table settings, and adjust her coat, and the booth before she could sit.  Then when getting the menu she would read it over, and over, and over, and over…only to order the same thing every week.

After her meal she would take another 30 minutes or so to let me take her plate, then she would get the bill…  Needless to say a wait staff makes their money by flipping over tables.  The more people you seat, and serve in a night the more money.  This woman would sit in my booth for HOURS….and HOURS…so it was as if I had one less table.  The moment she would be seated I would know that I would make half the amount of money I normally would.

Then she would pay…and my tip would always be $.30-1.00.  Ghastly.  I mentioned to my mom, not out of anger about this woman, but how surprised I was at how little she would leave.  I told her that I understood she had mental issues, but it would be nice if she just gave a bit more for all of my time, and taking up my table.

My mother mentioned that she was probably on disability, and this meal was probably an extravagance for her.  That maybe she did not have the money to spend on a tip.

So how was it that she was always sat with me?  Well she started asking for me.  I was nice to her.  And after that conversation with my mom, when this woman would walk in I would watch as the wait staff roll their eyes, and grumble about serving her.  So I would go over to her, and sit her in my section and smile at her.  And give her the best service I could.  I knew I would not make all that much money that night, and I knew she would give me just a little bit of a tip.  But in all reality I would have served her with a smile for free.

There are “rules” on tipping, 10%, 15%, 20%...  I don’t follow the rules.  I tip those who are traditionally, “not supposed to get tips,” and I tip well over and above for those who do.  I have been known to add to a poor tip, and usually with extra to make up for the fact that the person I am with was such a bad tipper.  If I have the choice between three dollars and a five, I will give a five. 

What does all this tipping bring me besides a smaller bank account?  It brings me joy.  It makes me happy to know that that extra dollar or two will help pay rent, keep a phone on, or prevent the electricity from being shut off.

I know what it is like to life dollar to dollar.  When I first graduated from college I lived in poverty.  I lived right at the US Poverty level.  I know what it is like to spend $20 on a week’s worth of food, knowing it is all I will have.  I know what it is like to juggle bills, and to see how long you can go before they do cut off your phone.  I know what it is like to eat a diet that is so poor you feel sick all the time. 

I am blessed with a job where now I can grocery shop, and I don’t have to worry about my phone, or the electric bill.  I cherish this.  I work hard for this.  I know how hard others work for this.  So when I see them working hard, I thank them the only way I can.

What is a dollar anyway?  For me, that smile from that little boy was still the best two dollars ever spent.
7 Comments
shannon
4/27/2012 10:10:39 pm

I was a waitress also and did and still somewhat do live in poverty-juggling the bills.. i also try to show appreciation whrn tipping if possible. I enjoy getting to know you as a person even know its not in person. You sound like such a wonderful person that anyone would be proud to have in thier life and call their mom or friend. Your strength is amazing and I look to your words of wisdom and try to see where i can incorporate those into my life to appreciate and make me a better person/mother. Thankyou for always sharing and reminding us that there are wonderful people in this world!

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sheri link
4/27/2012 10:55:40 pm

Good for you! I am the same way when it comes to tipping. I worked as a waitress for 4 years and in those years learned invaluable lessons. I believe everyone needs to work in "service" at one point in their life to learn the very same.

I just said to my husband the other day, "if you HAVE money, it's nothing to spend it on someone/something... but if you NEED money, it means the world when you receive it" (something like that anyway)

I'm happy that you had a lovely vacation and some new body art to cherish forever.

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Lou
4/27/2012 11:06:42 pm

Law...
I remember you being the only person willing to serve that woman, and she would ask for you. After all the places I waitressed I still remember her vididly wiping the booth with her menu a hundred times. I think she just wanted someone to talk to. If you were off she would ask, "where is that other girl"? She knew you "got" her.

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Cindy
4/28/2012 12:18:41 am

I'm so glad to hear a little about your trip. I'm glad you were able to see some of the natural beauty of the land and of this land's people - while spreading beauty yourself.

Semi-unrelated, I'd like to share a story with you. During my last trip to Burrillville, two little girls were on the side of the road selling lemonade. They had two lawn chairs and a dirty table to sit at when "enjoying" this lemonade. I had a friend with me, visiting the US from Japan. I explained the importance of selling lemonade on the side of the road - both in an adult perspective and child's perspective. I pulled over and stepped outside my car. It was VERY windy, nearly knocking over the chairs outside. It was also VERY cold - too cold for lemonade actually - never mind these girls standing outside screaming "fresh lemonade" mostly likely for hours on this side road in Pascoag. This road was not traveled often and I knew I was probably one of the three cars they'd see go by all day and most likely the only one to stop. We walked up and said, "two please". The little girls were so excited - one screeched. They asked which size we wanted: "It's 25 cents for small, 50 cents for medium, and 75 cents for large." We ordered two mediums - my friend's first experience with lemonade EVER. We sat there while the little girls ran inside the house to get the lemonade from mom and came out with two very worn, very "loved" cups of lemonade - easily the worst lemonade I've ever had in my lifetime. We sipped it as to enjoy it, paid them in quarters for the lemonade, and thanked them for their service. I gave my friend a $10 bill and told her to "tip her waitress" telling her "thank you for a job well done" and I did the same for mine. I'm sure it made these little girls' day and it certainly made my day. Best $21 I've spent all year.

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Michelle
4/28/2012 01:08:57 am

Laura, this is just beautiful. I am also a believer in tipping well and it is nice to see when someone follows the same methods I use. While that extra dollar or two might not be a big deal to me, it makes me feel good knowing that it might help the person on the receiving end, especially when they worked hard to make sure my day was a little bit brighter.

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Nicole
4/29/2012 02:19:31 am

Laura, amazing how you can make such a simple gesture resonate with its importance. What's two dollars, to you and me maybe something in coins at the bottom of your purse that you are too lazy to clean out...but to that little boy it was proof that if you work hard people will appreciate it. I had a moment like this back around January, or Christmas...I was running around at the grocery store trying to get stuff for dinner as I do everyday because I am too lazy to shop big once a week and after I got my basket full of miscellanea, including the Ben and Jerry's I certainly didn't need, I went to check out. In front of me was this little old lady with a loaf of bread, and two of the tiniest packs of deli meat I had ever seen. She was literally counting change and did not have enough for the bread and was going to have to put it back. The cashier looked sympathetic, but let's be honest there isn't anything she can do. So I pleasantly asked her if she had everything she needed and to make a long story short I pulled her out of line, dropping my basket and took her around the store getting her what she needed to eat for the week. It took me an extra half an hour, because she walked slowly, talking to me about everything and nothing and I was out thirty dollars. But when I got home that night I seriously felt better than I had in years, and when I told my husband he smiled and hugged me saying, "Aww hun, that was nice." In the end I think I ripped her off :)

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Janice
4/30/2012 12:38:00 am

I am glad you and your husband had a nice vacation and were able to reflect and remember the good times. You are amazing and an inspiration. I miss you and hope to talk to you soon.

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    Laura is Zoë's mommy.  Forever and Always.

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The Zoë Faye Foundation's mission is to provide support and assistance to children diagnosed with Malignant Rhabdoid Tumors, Atypical Teratoid Rhabdoid Tumors, and Non-CNS Extrarenal Rhabdoid Tumors, and their families; provide pathways to information, financial relief, and raise awareness for rare pediatric cancers, and funds for researchers who focus on Rhabdoid Tumors and related cancers with the hopes of achieving a cure.